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Month: April 2005 Page 1 of 2

I really want to solve the world’s problems.  All of them. 
And now I will begin, by reconciling those with opposite viewpoints,
addressing each in turn.

Come on kids.  Is this really a big deal?  The cows want us
to eat more chicken, but they’re clearly idiots.  They can’t even
spell “chicken”, not to mention “more”.  How do they expect to
gain any respect?  Stupid animals. Mike Ballentine and Ranch on
behalf of the Texas Beef Council have the edge with spelling, and even
cleverly draw you in to their advertisement with smart tricks like
making “Watch your curves” curvy.  I bet they used Microsoft’s
WordArt™ to do it.  It’s the best tool ever.  Clearly, eating
beef wins this round.  Sorry cows.  It’s a compliment.

I think we can throw this next one in the same category as the next and
kill two whales with one harpoon.  I mean, hug two trees with one
arm.

This one is a little more difficult.  Honestly, my first thought
is, yeah, chicks dig guys who save whales.  The girl hugging the
tree is lot better looking then the guy taking out his agression the
already dead tree.  But then I think about it again, and realize
oh no, I hate trees.  One dropped me once, and I broke my
arm.  We should burn down all the rainforests.  On the other
hand, I like whales.  But on the other other hands, actually, I
don’t like whales at all.  What have they ever done for me? 
I’m at a loss.  I’m going to go with my form of problem
solving…WWTGD?  (Clearly meaning, “What would this guy do”?)


This will be me when I’m old.

EDIT: Yeah you’re supposed to edit at the bottom.  But I’ve lost
all faith in the human race.  Not only did no one recognize
specifically what this is, but no one even completed the thought. 
Sigh.  Pretty depressed about this.

So, uh.

Everybody was kung-fu fighting……

(wait for it)

(One of) my dream girls, Natalie Portman, and I have just had our first
child. She’s jewish too, so its ok. Here’s a picture of him/her/it/me.

I’m so happy.

I think its a girl. Bearded ladies are so appealing.

Special thanks to Saucey for making this happy union possible.

I have a new pet! I’m really excited. Here’s a picture of his new home.

Now that you see his beauteous new home, let me tell you about his old home. It was a nasty place, filled with terrible food and cyclic loud noises. He and his mouse friends lived in constant fear of traps, big feet, and food so foul, it could kill them if they took a single bite. He’s probably pretty grateful I rescued him. Or maybe it’s a she. I’ll let you know if I get around to checking.

Anyways, as you probably figured out by now, the place he used to call home is Chuck’s. No, I’m serious. I don’t know why everyone thinks I’m lying, nor do I get why they think its so nasty. He’s really quite clean. And fat. He was living the high life, a life in the lap of luxury, where food just came to him. He has exquisite taste, as demonstrate by his residence underneath the desert table. That’s how else you can know I’m not lying; half of Cedarville University saw me and Ben Nickum dive underneath the curtains of the table (do tables have curtains?) and emerge a few minutes later with our prize pets. I think Ben fed his to a snake already. But, mine’s my new best friend. Probably my only friend. I have a few tentative names, but feel free to put your 2¢ in.

Sadly, Chuck’s was out of those little suggestion cards, so I’m gonna snag one later, bring it back and print out a picture of my mouse on it and put it back in. Word on the street is that there were 4 mice caught today; one by a Chuck’s worker, one by me, one by Ben, and one rumored caught by some CedarBoy™ who remains unknown at this time.

Here he is, all cute and cuddly up close. Yeah, he really is cute. He cleans himself a lot too; maybe I’ll take a hint.

(And that “Currently Watching” nonsense, I was in that play in high school. It was dumb)

No, I didn’t go to Elliv. But I’m sure you looked beautiful.

In other news, for a long time our Dean of Students, Kirsten Gibbs, looked really familiar, which was strange because I didn’t know her at all. I didn’t even know who she was. Just seeing her around made me raise an eyebrow. Something was oddly familiar. Since this is Cedarville, I don’t know how many of you will understand the true significance of this, but hey, why not?

There ya go. Kirsten Gibbs, or should I say, MOLLY SHANNON, you have been found out. We know where you are hiding. But I suppose I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt; maybe they’re just identical twins. We’ll go with that. I wonder if the administration reads our blogs. That would mean they have no life, too.

In other other news, by special request, here is the Maribeth Edition™ of Cedarville Girls Who Are Not Dating Me™.

Maribeth Phillips

And here’s a picture of April (who’s a Maddox RA) getting her engagement ring out of the toilet.

So, this post is a tribute to my dad. And to me, as well. But mostly to him. He’s a stud, really. He did all of the things I dreamed I could do, but never will get to do. Or at least, that I haven’t done. Like shrooms, which I posted about awhile back. And lots of other assorted drugs. He was a teenager in the ’60s, which I’m very jealous of. He went to jail, drove a sweet van, and snuck into Canada at night (not to avoid the draft, just because they wouldn’t let him in during the day). Here’s a sweet action picture of him

We go to the movies together and make fun of things and people. I guess that’s not really funny, and it means we’re terrible people. That’s alright, we find it funny ourselves even though no one gets us. When he’s really angry, he threatens to crush me with his wallet (yeah, we’re both rich jews, but he’s got a few years on me) or he wishes upon me that “I have one just like me”. That came true for him though.

Here’s the two of us together, looking beautiful. Well, he was beautiful. Back in the day. When he looked like me. Also, I’m graduating high school in my picture, which he accidently forgot to do.

Oh, and silly children we are; I almost forgot to mention, yes, he’s awesome, and I love him, and I thank God he’s my dad. Even though he’s the reason that I’m the way I am, so you all might not be so thankful, eh? Eh?

I must avoid the fireballs called down on me by those who disagree.

It’s quite pleasant that the week is over.

I have a hot date tonight. Well, I’m going out with my sister to dinner.

Really, I’m kind’ve upset about my computer game situation. I’m getting really out of practice. I haven’t had time in awhile, and it’s ripping me apart. This time last year, I had multiple 12+ hour gaming sessions during the year. This year maybe I have one 10 hour set. It’s pretty sad. I’m sorry. I’ll try harder. I’m sorry.

I made a new friend today.

I call him Toad.

Also, I support Andrew Trip and his xanga.

i’ve lured you all in with cookies and treats and humor, all for the purpose of soon closing my trap of a serious post. snap, i’ve caught you. mwahaa.

so strangely, its like i only have 11 credits that work for next semester. strange for an engineer eh? i guess its the semester for gen eds…but i’m clepping, taking online, taking other schools, etc etc. so i figger, i’ll take advantage of all these gold opportunities offered by going to the bible-kinda college. i’ll take super sweet classes about the bible. woot!

only…i can count on my fingers the number of classes we have rooted directly in the text. but i have to take off my shoes and then some to count the number of worldview classes, “applicable” spiritual-related classes, etc etc…i don’t understand why there are so many more of those. is it strange we go to a bible college, but its hard to find actual classes on the bible itself?

and that scares me. if we begin giving much more classes on women’s ministry, the youth pastor, urban ministry, etc etc, and offer less and less classes on the text itself, who is going to preserve that truth? cedarville, as a more conservative institution, should be a brilliant place to preserve the truth and teachings of biblical texts. even it seems to be annoying at times, extreme conservative institutions plays a strong role in carrying biblical text through otherwise hazy cultural times, right?

God will protect and conserve his word…thats not going to be a problem. but hopefully cedarville won’t lose that role. even if people become less and less interested in that, and want more stuff that relates to the world they live in…sigh. i love learning for learning and knowledge for knowledge’s sake, as God becames more and more amazing the more you know about everying…but things seem to be strolling away from that. talking with some members of the bible department revealed that there used to be many more text-based classes, but they decided it was important to move to more ‘practical’ things, for lack of a better word, and people were less interested in pure bible classes and more into personal evangalism, small group ministry, and CLT. well, not CLT. but a bit less worldview and a bit more bible….mmm, yummy. id get excited.

apparently if i shoot the bug at the top of the screen, i’ll get a free playstation 2, so ill let you know how that goes.

First of all, for those who didn’t quite catch the subtle reference I gave in my last post to “happy freakin april fools”, happy freaking april fools. Which is to say, my post on April 1st, ie April Fools day, was a joke. Which is to say, it’s not true. Which is to say, I’m not leaving the ‘ville just yet. Which is to say, I’ll be here next year. Which is to say, Laura, you should have picked up on that instead of posting on the next post that you would miss me. But I’ll miss you as well, over the summer.

First of all again, I’m a little upset. Me and Leah are apparently dating, and I haven’t seen her in at least three days. She should have been aware that we need to see each other at least every 5 minutes, and sit across each other staring deeply into each others eyes. So if anyone sees her, tell her I miss her terribly. Tell her I’m lost without her. Tell her I don’t care who she is, where she’s from, what she did, as long as she loves me. And that IIIIIII will always love her. That every step she takes, every move she makes, every vow she breaks, I’ll be watching her. Yeah, thats right.

One of my other friends Mary told me that her mom was scared of me. I don’t know why.

And, in closing, I like to sneak into girls bathrooms.

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