missed plans

i had planned on blogging about:

-the new rats i saved

-my work situation (in abstract terms; you ain’t using my online words against me)

-my life/love situation

-thoughts on marketing/advertising

-thoughts on ‘just living’ vs fully examining situations, and if you can TOO FULLY examine a situation

-taxes

-some people that i non-romantically love

but i didn’t write about ANY of those things!

touche google

I found out that more people than I realized don’t actually “read” my blog, but have it hand fed to them by Google Reader.  I don’t really know anything about this Reader, but thanks for taking my hardwritten blags and turning them into a COMMODITY item that people don’t even have to work for.

You all should be totally ashamed.

rats

nostalgiacs

I’d like to direct you to this place.  Keeping clicking to read older and older posts, and have more and more fun.

http://ihaveablog.xanga.com/

It’s my old blagging stomping grounds.  It’s full of uh maze ing nuggets all about me.  I can only blag with that sort of brilliance once in awhile, I vow here and now to again become a blagger par excellunce.  And include more pictures.  Starting next post.  Or the one after that.

another post!

Two posts in less than twenty four hours, I’m on a crazy writing streak.

Maybe I’ll start writing in the mornings. Maybe it’s good for me!

Yesterday, I felt so drained and wiped out.  Probably a combination of work stress, financial ‘stress’ (funny how though money isn’t a problem, feeling like I have to spend too much stresses me out), and my girlfriend being gone again, coupled with the fact that I normally need a decent amount of alone time, and I hadn’t got that in a long, long time.  Well, if a few weeks is a long time.

I feel rested.  I slept through the whole night, I think…that’s not super common.  I felt exhausted when I woke up…and recall actually saying to myself, “Get out of bed, you turd”.  How’s that for self loathing, eh.

My brain and body are tired of being tired and stressed.  Today, they instructed me to be happy, and I am.  Retaining my love for everrryyything today will be high priority, and I feel optimistic and ready to LIVE.  Funny, cause today is a NORMAL DAY.  So I’m going to LIVE a NORMAL DAY.  But staying content during that…that’s something that’s often way too hard to achieve.  Eye before eee.

hmmm

i think the real answer is: i need a vacation.  but vacations really don’t help; the instant you’re back at work, the stress level is back at its typical work level.  i don’t much care for it.

the idealist in me is truly slaughtered by the whole work-stress problem.  there’s really no need for it.  no one WANTS to be stressed at work; everyone would rather be happy and work and play and balance.  but, the work culture has taught us a different paradigm, and by the time you’re in a position to change that thinking, you’ve usually become completely enveloped in it.  this is just a generalization.

the manager doesn’t want to make the employee miserable (usually); they merely respond to pressure from middle management, who responds to pressure from upper management.  ps, who needs all these artificial levels of management?  bureaucracy does, and thats the corporate life we live…

keep it small. keep it simple. bigger is not better.  technology is a fascinating celebration of the gifts given to us from on high and man’s ability to delve into and comprehend the universe gifted to us.

but these are all fringe.  i gots to keep on enlarging my sphere of love, my sphere of understanding, and the sphere of caring about those around me.  its ALWAYS the people around you who bring out the vibrancy and joy in life.

however, i’m long overdue for some alone time and gaming.

i am also in love.  i don’t much talk about personal things here.  i don’t believe in advertising my personal life.  but i miss talking about my personal life in a coffee shop with those people.

the zone

I only seem to manage to consistently blog when I’m in a certain mood.  If things are going great, I tend to forget about it. If things are bad, I don’t blog anything significant because I don’t feel like I want to publicize all my feelings. That’s a change from my wistful days of youth; I used to advertise everything.  Now I don’t.
But things are not bad now by any means.  I just decided to let you all know that.  And you all is…well, this isn’t really a place most people know to read.

I’d like an opportunity to cut my mind free and drift.  It relaxes me.

change?

I’m halfway considering throwing my resume up on teh interwebs, and seeing where the wind takes me.  By the wind, I mean God. But wind is more poetic. And like most engineers, I’m very poetical.

Strange that this top-secret place where I post my thoughts and feelings…I can’t post, because I have too many feelings.  I can’t even anonymously post the strain and pain my brain has been feeling.  Weird.  The other secret is that I have a top secret google docs page where I keep all my top secret writings.  So only me, God, and the GOOGLE SERVER ADMINISTRATORS can read those.

morning

i woke up at 5am today.

it has been quite some time since i’ve seen 5am.  i honestly can’t put my finger on the last time.  there’s a better chance that it was a late-night-bar-hopping-home-at-5:30am event rather than waking up to the sun.

it’s not my fault. i brought my brother in law to the airport.

its abstractly fascinating to feel awake, and see the clock ticking off numbers that i don’t recall seeing while being functional.

i’m eating well; lots of fruits and vegetables, minimal (but still there!) meat, very few sugary drinks or processed garbage.  that means day to do, i feel great, and even when i wake up this early, i still feel good and ready to go.

my brain is near its peak, if not at it.  work drags sometimes; but that’s work.  im quite comfortable with, just myself right now.  i’m 100% able to go for a walk, bike ride, fishing, all by my lonesome, and be happy and content.  some may say, so what? thats lame, i CELEBRATE alone time, its not hard!  for a massive extrovert such as myself, being able to be quiet, alone, and peaceful without your brain running in thousand different directions wanting to see a thousand different people is a significant feat.

im content and peaceful with life; i have a path before me that i choose to take. i have been blessed by god, and i know i could reject the path, find another, and that wouldn’t work out poorly. but i choose to accept the blessings i receive right now, bask in them, and be peaceful, thankful, joyful, and full of love.

life is heading in wonderful directions.  i do have a few selfish thoughts of what *i* want to happen.  i’m interested in seeing how i handle it when the direction of my life shifts AWAY from what i want.  i love basking like this, and i fervently hope it prepares me for the next storm, whatever form that may take.